Four Meaningful Words Page 5

  Tomorrow I’d go home and win back the man I loved.

  Come hell or high water, he’d see that we were meant to be.

  Chapter 9

  Elizabeth

  I arrived home after staying at the resort for four days. I was glad for the time away, even though I missed Austin, because I was able to come up with a plan to fix my marriage.

  I wanted a life with my husband and only my husband.

  I wanted to love myself again.

  I didn’t want to feel guilt over not being able to give him a child of his own.

  I wanted us to have children, and I thought I’d found a way to make that possible.

  I wanted everything we were meant to have from this life, and I wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  I’d get him back no matter how long it took for him to forgive me.

  His car was in the driveway when I pulled in.

  It was Monday. He shouldn’t have been home, but he was.

  I pulled up my calendar on my phone after I shut off the car and noticed the reason why he wasn’t at the office. Today was a Federal holiday. He normally went in to play catch up, but I guessed he’d decided against it. It was fate. I’d get to talk with him right away instead of pacing the house until he came home.

  Getting out of the car, I grabbed my luggage and went into the house. With each step I took, I hoped and prayed he’d listen to what I had to say. The last four days, I’d practiced repeatedly how I’d begin this conversation. My hands shook as I made my way to our front door. Could I even call it ours anymore? Technically, it still was, but after I talked with him, even if he wanted to listen to me, it could just be another house on this street, instead of being the home we’d created together.

  I opened the door, and the smell of lemon and cleaner assaulted me. Loretta had come today, but her car wasn’t here, so she must’ve already finished for the day. Did she find the letter I’d left? Did Austin read it? What was he thinking right now? I had to find him and explain.

  Leaving the bags by the door, I shut the metal frame and went in search of my husband.

  I found him downstairs in the den. He looked defeated as he sat there on the couch with his elbows resting on his knees and his head in his hands.

  “Austin,” I whispered as I stood in the doorway to the room, my hands clutching the wood of the frame to the entryway.

  His head moved in my direction so fast I thought he’d pull a muscle.

  “You’re home,” he said as he rushed over to where I stood.

  He was right in front of me, and the words just hung in my throat, waiting to be said.

  He’d been crying. His cheeks were streaked with the remnants of tears that he’d yet to wipe away.

  “I have so much to say,” I confessed as I choked back a sob.

  “Me too. You go first,” he replied as he grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch he’d just left.

  We both sat. I turned toward him and got comfortable. My confessions would be hard to speak. His possible rejection lurked in the back of my thoughts as I tried to figure out the best way to begin.

  “I love you. I’ve always loved you. From that first note asking me to be yours, I knew we’d have something special. I just didn’t know back then how amazing it would be. The other day you shocked me to my core. Never in a million years did I ever think you’d say those words to me.”

  “I…” he interrupted, but I held up my hand to stop him. I needed to finish telling him what I had to say before I chickened out.

  “Let me finish,” I continued.

  He reached for my hand, linking our fingers together. Most women would say the sexiest part of a male was their eyes or abs. The sexiest part of Austin was his hands. They held so much power. The way they felt when he touched me, the way they calmed me when there was a storm brewing inside my mind; the way he commanded a courtroom with the way he wrote his beginning and ending statements.

  “The words you spoke were what I needed to hear. I know they weren’t easy for you to say. That’s why I didn’t reply to them. That’s why I had to leave. I needed to go away to think about what you’d said. I needed to reflect on the past two years.”

  “What did you realize?”

  “That I was a shitty wife. That I pushed you away to wallow in my own grief and guilt, when I should’ve used your strength as well as my own to heal. You tried so hard to help me, and I shut you out. I’m sorry. I know those two words won’t make up for the past seven hundred and thirty days of shittiness, but those are the only ones I can think to say right now.”

  He remained silent for a beat. Then another. He was probably thinking of the easiest way to let me down gently.

  “You weren’t a shitty wife. We just lost our way. I do have a question for you, though. A few actually.”

  Questions I could do. He wasn’t shutting me out entirely, and that had to be a good sign.

  “What would you like to know?”

  “What was the other night about? The dinner, the candles?”

  I took a deep breath before I explained.

  “I woke up that day and felt different. There wasn’t this huge weight on my chest or shoulders. I felt lighter. It was like something inside my head finally clicked, and I didn’t want to be depressed anymore. I wanted to live and not just merely exist in this life. I had this whole speech planned for when you got home. I wanted to show you how much you meant to me, and I figured I’d start with making your favorite meal, and we could talk over dinner.”

  That didn’t happen, though.

  “What did you want to say?” he asked.

  “That I’d been an idiot. I just didn’t have a chance.”

  “Tell me what you had planned to say that night. I need to know.”

  Why did that matter now? He’d asked for a divorce. Maybe this was his way of letting me have a second chance to tell him.

  “I want to try. Those were the four words I wanted to tell you. I want to try to build our lives again with a new normal. I want to get back what we’d lost. I want to love you again the way I used to, the way that I’d loved you this whole time but didn’t show it. I wanted to tell you that I wanted to be the wife you deserved but didn’t have.”

  “Wow. I wasn’t expecting to hear that. Not after what I said before you got the chance.”

  “Thank you for letting me tell you. It helps that you heard me out.”

  “I’m not done yet. Do you have anything else to say?”

  There was so much more to say, but I’d explained everything the best I could. His expression never wavered, giving away any idea of what he thought about my confession. I needed to know what he thought. However scared I was, this conversation needed to be had, and I deserved any response he gave.

  “No. That’s about the gist of it.”

  His face contorted for just a second, showing how hard it was to sit here and discuss our possible divorce. His eyes were puffy and red, showing signs of exhaustion. He must’ve gotten little sleep while I’d been away.

  “The past four days have been agony. I thought I could let you go. I thought it was the best option at the time because you deserve so much happiness in your life. I never wanted to get a divorce; I just thought that was the only option since we drifted so far apart. Will you come back home so we can work this out? You said you wanted to try, and those were the best damn words a man like me could ever hope to hear.”

  “A man like you?” I questioned with the raise of my brow.

  “Yes, a man like me. A man so desperate to get his wife back that he’d beg and plead for her to forget that he had a lapse in judgment by telling her he wanted to let her go. A man who loves his wife more than his next breath.”

  “I love you too, Austin. So much. But I do have one more question?”

  “What’s that?”

  “Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me for getting so lost that I never thought I’d ever find my way back to you?”

  “There’s nothing to
forgive. We both should’ve done things differently. Now that we’ve admitted that, we can start rebuilding our relationship.”

  Those were words to my ears. I was ready to put in the hard work as long as he was by my side and willing to do the same.

  “I guess I should go unpack then,” I said as I, but before I could turn, I realized Austin wasn’t letting go of my hand.

  “Not so fast,” he said with a laugh as he pulled me by the hand that he still held back onto the couch beside him.

  I looked up at him as he hovered over top of me.

  “What?” I asked as he continued to stare down at me.

  “I’m not letting you walk away until I get this,” he whispered, framing my face with his other hand.

  Before I could ask what he meant, his mouth descended on mine.

  Our lips met, and all felt right in the world. The kiss started off slow and gentle, almost as if he was experiencing our connection for the first time.

  A minute later he pulled back, leaving me breathless.

  “I’m so happy you’re back,” he confessed as he climbed off me and stood, holding out his hand to assist me in getting up.

  “Me too,” I replied as I took his hand.

  “Now let’s go get you unpacked. You’re never allowed to leave again,” he stated with a laugh as he smacked me on the ass.

  “Deal,” I laughed as I took off running from the room with him not far behind me.

  Chapter 10

  Austin

  Last night was amazing. I couldn’t have asked for a better evening.

  While I knew we had a lot to work on, I felt like I’d gotten my wife back.

  We ate dinner after she’d unpacked.

  I hid her suitcase for good measure.

  I meant when I said she wasn’t allowed to leave me again.

  Living the past five days without her was enough to last me a lifetime.

  Never again would I ask her to leave.

  After dinner, we’d sat on the patio in the cool autumn air and shared a bottle of wine while we held onto each other for dear life. I stared over at her more times than I could count and thanked the good Lord above for how much He’d blessed me for allowing this woman to come back to me. She looked so beautiful as she sat beside me, her curly, unruly hair blowing in the wind as she laughed at something I’d said or a face that I’d made. We reminisced about the good ol’ days and the crazy things we’d done as teenagers. I knew that we’d have to have deeper, harder conversations, but they didn’t have to occur all at once. We didn’t fall apart overnight, and we wouldn’t heal overnight either.

  This morning when I woke, I reached over to pull her into me, only to find her side of the bed empty. Immediately I sat up, and a feeling of Deja vu crept over me.

  “Liz,” I yelled as I jumped out of bed to go in search for her.

  I ran across the hall to the door that sat ajar.

  Her office door was shut last night when we came up here.

  Slowly, I pushed the door open to check the room.

  There she sat. Her headphones covered her ears, and her fingers moved faster than I’d ever seen over the keys to her desktop computer.

  Leaning against the frame, I watched as she typed on a mission. Her fingers moved and moved and moved some more as she typed the words that consumed her thoughts. I loved how she always kept notebooks in her purse just in case a new idea popped into her head while she was out.

  She stopped only to take a sip from her coffee cup, then her fingers went right back to typing away.

  I moved from the spot where I stood and walked over to the side of her chair.

  My movement caught her eye, and she jumped up from the chair and screamed.

  “Jesus, Austin. You scared me,” she yelled as she took off the headphones and covered her heart with her hands.

  “Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to startle you. I just wanted to come find you. I was scared when I woke up in the bed alone,” I admitted freely, without a care in the world that my guy friends would call me a pussy.

  “I left you a note, silly,” she chuckled as she stood from her chair and took a couple of steps to stand in front of me.

  “I didn’t see it,” I said as I pulled her into me.

  “Obviously,” she laughed, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling my head, giving me a chaste kiss on the lips.

  “You get a lot of writing done already this morning?” I asked, still holding her in my arms.

  “Two chapters so far,” she replied as she stepped out of my grasp.

  She always amazed me with how easily she created her manuscripts. I could barely write a ten-page paper in college, and here she was writing hundreds of pages and piecing together enough thoughts to compile a novel.

  “Time to get you ready for the office. Now scoot so I can go make you breakfast,” she demanded as she placed both of her hands on my chest to push me backward through the doorway.

  “Yes, ma’am,” I replied as I did as she instructed.

  My wife wanted to cook me breakfast. Who was I to deny her? Especially since she seemed so happy and content in doing so.

  Freshly showered and shaved, I dressed in the suit that hung on the outside of our closet. She used to take it upon herself to choose one for me every morning, and seeing this tiny gesture almost brought tears to my eyes at the realization that I was getting my wife back.

  I turned toward the bedroom door when I noticed a tiny piece of paper sitting atop her pillow.

  A smile formed on my lips as I walked over and retrieved it.

  Turning it over, I read the simple words she’d written.

  Getting an early start on my word count for the day. Come find me when you wake. Xoxo, Liz

  I walked out of our room and tucked the little note into my suit jacket pocket. She used to write little messages for me to find, and I kept them all in the drawer of my desk at the office. When I needed a pick me up, I took them out and read them. This one was particularly special because it signified she wasn’t leaving me.

  The smell of bacon met me halfway up the stairs, and I followed the scent into the kitchen. Liz stood in front of the stove humming a tune and dancing as she plated our food. She was dressed in only a white t-shirt of mine and power blue boy shorts underneath.

  She turned around with two plates of piping hot food in her hands.

  “You look sexy, Mr. Black,” she said as she sauntered over to me and pecked me on the cheek.

  Damn it felt good to see her like this. Happy.

  She walked over to the table in our kitchen and set the plates where cups of coffee were already made. Bless her for knowing just what I needed to start this day off right. I had a tough case that started today, and dining with her this morning was just what the doctor ordered to help me squash some of the unease I’d felt.

  “You’re eating with me?” I asked as I started to devour the food she’d cooked.

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t I eat with my husband before work?” she said with a wink before taking a bite of her own food.

  Well then, I got food and the company of a beautiful woman all before the day officially began.

  “I hate that you have to ask me that. Tonight when you get home, I have much to discuss with you. Dinner will be ready at six-thirty,” she relayed before we sat in comfortable silence and finished our food.

  After I pushed my cleared plate away, she got up from her chair and gave me a searing kiss before I left for the day.

  Chapter 11

  Elizabeth

  As soon as Austin left for the day, I cleaned up the dishes from breakfast and put a pot roast in the crock-pot. I used that appliance often, especially on busy writing days when I wouldn’t have time to cook a delicious meal by hand. It felt good to get back to normal. It felt even better to see the shocked look on Austin’s face when he woke up this morning to find me doing the same tasks I’d done what felt like a lifetime ago.

  I’d written yet another list this mor
ning before Austin woke. I’d been awake for two hours before I heard his alarm sounding. I was always an early riser. I wrote the best words before the sun rose.

  Next on the agenda was getting another two thousand words written then calling Cassandra. I had to let her know what my new schedule would be. I’d decided this morning that the only way I could show Austin how serious I was about improving our marriage would be for me to set boundaries when it came to my writing schedule. He was the most important part of my life, and I had to start showing him.

  I entered the password into my computer and started typing away the words that were stuck in my head from this morning. The story was flowing so nicely onto the pages, the way every author wanted to write. Seamlessly and effortlessly.

  Before I knew it, my timer went off on my phone. Checking my word count, I noticed that I exceeded it by fifteen hundred words.

  Hell yeah.

  I was officially ahead of the game for the day.

  I saved the manuscript and shut it down for the time being.

  Setting my phone up, I video messaged Cassandra.

  After a few rings, she answered.

  “Hey, chick,” she replied.

  “Good morning, Cass. You seem chipper today.” I laughed as I took a sip of the now cool cup of coffee.

  “Oh, I am. Wait a minute? Is that your bookcase in the background?” she asked, ever so observant. I never could just tell her something new and surprise her. She figured it out before I could spit it out.

  “It is,” I said without giving anything else away.

  “Come on now. Spit it out. When did you go home? Are you and Austin working things out? Don’t leave me hanging,” she demanded.

  “I called you to talk about work, ya know,” I eluded, giving her a hard time.

  “Work schmurk. It can wait. I need the deets.”

  I laughed which caused her to give me a stern look, letting me know she was getting more impatient by the minute.

  “Fine, fine. I’ll tell you,” I replied as I took another sip of coffee.