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  Beautifully Tainted

  By: A.M. Guilliams

  Copyright © 2014 Author A.M. Guilliams. All rights reserved worldwide.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. The scanning, uploading, and/or distribution of this document via the internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher are illegal and are punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized editions and do not participate in or encourage electronic piracy of copyrightable materials.

  This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locales or organizations are entirely coincidental.

  This book is intended for adults only due to language and sexual content.

  Cover Image MHPhotography

  Cover Design K23 Design

  Email: [email protected]

  Dedications

  For my beautiful daughters, Kaitlyn and Briana, and my handsome stepson Tyler. You are my reason for everything that I do. The three of you inspire me to want to be the best person that I can be. I am honored to be your mother and to call you both my daughters and my stepson. Thank you for being patient and pushing me forward when I needed it. I love all three of you with all of my heart.

  For Ted, you have been my rock for almost twelve years. You picked me up when I was down, pushed me when I wanted to give up, banned me from my kindle when I needed to write instead of read, helped with the playlist and found the perfect song, but most of all you loved me and supported me through it all. You truly are the best man that any woman could ever want. Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself and helping me make my dreams a reality. I love you more than life itself.

  For the women and men who have all had troubled pasts and had trouble letting someone in, this book is written for you.

  Playlist for Beautifully Tainted

  Main Song: I Wanna Make You Cry by Jeff Bates

  That’s My Kind of Night by Luke Bryan

  A Little Bit Stronger by Sarah Evans

  Dirty by Christina Aguilerra

  Come and Get it by Selena Gomez

  Bring Me Back to Life by Evanescence

  Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus

  No Air by Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown

  The Unforgiven 2 by Metallica

  Broken by Seether

  Damaged by TLC

  I Won’t Give Up by Bruno Mars

  Ashamed by Jamestown Story

  Echo by Jason Walker

  Down by Jason Walker

  Life After You by Daughtry

  Beautiful by Mariah Carey

  You Set Me Free by Angie Miller

  Love Me For Me by Cheryl Lloyd

  Ho Hey by the Lumineers

  Heart Attack by Demi Lovato

  Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not by Thompson Square

  Barefoot Blue Jean Night by Jake Owen

  Just A Kiss by Lady Antebellum

  Give In To Me by Garrett Hedlund

  Timing is Everything by Garrett Hedlund

  Last Night Again by Steel Magnolia

  Forever in My Heart by 4P.M.

  Prologue

  Life can be altered by one event. That one incident can make a person question all of his or her life’s choices before that point. Emily and Matt have both had a tragic experience occur in their lives that have made them question everything about themselves. Each will have to decide where life will take them from that point forward and the decision may not be the one that they would have ultimately chosen. Fate also has a way of making those life choices for them.

  The past helps make you who you are in the present. As much as we would like the past to stay in the past, it has a funny way of coming back to you when you least expect it. Emily has been running from hers for two years. She had her reasons, and she thought that her past would be just that: the past. She made herself into a new person. She changed who she was because she doesn’t have any want or need to face her past. No one in her new town knows who she was, and she plans on keeping it that way. She has become a pro at telling her new story of who she was and who she is today. What all of the new people in her life don’t know is that she isn’t who she says she is at all. Her life as they know it was all made up and perfected in order to keep her hidden. She doesn’t want those defenses she has built to come down. She’s made friends but keeps them at arm’s length, so they don’t get too close. That is until a handsome new detective comes into town. Can she keep her defenses up, or will he weasel his way into her life and her heart by breaking them down one by one?

  Matt is also running from his past, but he faced his demons while running from it. He leaves his hometown to start a new chapter in his life. He has hopes of building new friendships, a new career, and hopefully finding that one person who he can spend the rest of his life with.

  The only problem with all of those things is that he needs to learn to let people in. He has to learn that his past has helped him more than he’s realized.

  Join Emily and Matt in their story of learning to trust again and learning that they are better together than apart.

  Chapter 1: Learning to Breathe Again

  Emily

  I left my hometown behind and moved clear across the country to Augusta, Maine. Why Maine you ask? Because when I spun the globe, my finger landed on it, and I thought “What the hell?” I was skeptical at first, but the state has grown on me. Today is a new day. The past two years have helped me move past the tragic events that changed my life in many ways. I’ve started the day the same way I’ve started every day since I began my new life. Music has become my rock through it all. Leaving my past meant leaving everyone that meant something to me behind. I’ve come to terms with it now. Cutting all ties with everyone was hard and being alone was even harder, but it had to be done. Today began with my alarm going off to a song that’s helped me get through the good days, bad days, and the horrible memories that lurk in the background. “A Little Bit Stronger” by Sarah Evans has become my motto. Each day I become stronger because I have no choice but to rise above the bad and make my life what I know it can be.

  Today I’ve decided that it would begin with me doing something that I used to love to do. Something that had helped me take out my aggression and stress. Going to the shooting range is going to be one thing will help me continue moving forward. It has been two long years since I’ve fired a gun. It’s like riding a bike. You never forget. I might be a bit rusty, but it’ll come back to me eventually.

  Enough thinking. I need to move out of this bed and get a move on. Making my way into the bathroom, I brush my teeth, take a shower, and fix my hair before deciding what I will wear to the range. I picked out my clothes and decided on dressing in my comfy yoga pants, fitted tank top, covered by a solid baby pink t-shirt. I also picked out an outfit that I would change into before heading to work. I made my way into the kitchen to grab a to-go cup of coffee. After I collected my 9mm Beretta from the safe, I grab my coffee, banana, and all of my other shit and head to the car.

  The drive allowed me to clear my head. Listening to the playlist that I had created of songs that reminded me I was a strong person helped me remain optimistic. They helped me remember that the days would get easier and better. Feeling refreshed and completely awake, I parked the car and
made my way into the reception area.

  Once I was checked in and received the clips of ammunition, I chose the booth that I’d be shooting from. I placed my target onto the hanger and moved it back into place. Putting on my ear plugs, I placed the magazine into the gun, took off the safety, and took my stance. After taking several deep breaths, I opened my eyes and placed my finger on the trigger. Pulling it for the first time felt amazing. I couldn’t stop until it was empty. It was exhilarating. Placing the second and then the third magazines into the gun, I went through the bullets within minutes. Bringing forward my target each time, I was surprised that by the third, each one of the bullets hit their intended spot head on. Being back on my game felt amazing. Having this small part of my old self back was just what I needed to continue healing. Who knew my shrink would be right? I silently laughed to myself at the thought that I finally had taken her advice, and it figures she would prove me wrong. Damn her.

  Placing my weapon back into its lock box, I could feel that I was being watched. I hated this feeling. I was already too paranoid as it was, and I didn’t need to feel this way just when I was beginning to feel alive again. I finished gathering my targets, weapon, and magazines so that they could be turned back in and when I turned, my breath caught in my throat. The most amazing pair of crystal clear blue eyes was staring at me. He was studying me for some reason, but it no longer made me feel paranoid or uneasy. It made me feel beautiful. Where did that thought come from? I haven’t considered these feelings before, and I shouldn’t start now? The only problem with those thoughts was that I couldn’t look away. We stood there continuing to stare at each other for what felt like hours, but was only minutes. Taking a deep breath, I started walking his way on shaky legs. With just inches between us, I smiled and walked around him. The second I looked at him, I knew I was in trouble, but I was going to be strong about this. I made myself a promise that regardless of what I felt when I looked at him, that man wouldn’t break down ANY of my defenses. Oh, this was going to be one promise that I was going to have a tough time keeping, considering that those eyes were all I wanted to continue looking at.

  ***

  Matt

  Waking up in Augusta, Maine was going to take some getting used to. I was used to sunny horizons and beautiful seventy degree weather at the lowest at this time of year, and now I had to get used to the chill in the air that registered fall was coming or already here. What the hell did I know? I would have to figure out how the seasons around here worked and soon. My wardrobe definitely didn’t compensate for this type of weather. I guess I should add shopping for clothes to the list. Oh, what fun? Not!

  I groggily made my way into the kitchen for some much-needed coffee. Thank God the coffee pot had an automatic timer because I couldn’t wait for it to fill today. I spent too much time this morning already thinking about the way things should be. I needed to stop those thoughts because they’re going to get me nowhere fast. I needed to figure out how to leave them alone, but part of me will always ask the question: What if? I’ve made peace with my choices and the decision to move here away from it all. I had no one left where I was. I had to get away because the events of that day were consuming me. My family and job were great, but there was no way I could continue with that. So I made a choice. I spun the globe and decided where my finger landed would be where I’d go. Why the hell did it have to land on Augusta, Maine of all places? Oh well. I ran with it and stuck to my decision. Now here I am. I found a position with the Augusta Police Department for a Detective and thankfully I got it. Today is a new day and the beginning of my new career and life. After taking some deep breaths, I decided to stop pitying myself and asking questions that in no way would be able to ever be answered. That shit would stop today. I hurriedly got into the shower, shaved, and put on my new suit to head into the station.

  Once I arrived, I met with my lieutenant and the other members of the department that were on shift that morning. He suggested that I started out by getting in my qualifying hours at the range. After all the necessary human resources paperwork was filled out, that’s where I headed. I’d already been issued my firearm for the department, so the paperwork was simple. Making my way to the booths, I stopped when I noticed the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen firing away like her life depended on it. She would finish one magazine, bring in the target, make a look that suggested she was proud of her shots, put on another and repeat the process all over again. When her third and final one was emptied, I was still staring, unable to look away. I was shocked at how quickly she got through those rounds and even more so when I caught a look at her targets. Each one got better, and the final one suggested that she hit her marks dead on. I could already tell just by that alone that she was one badass woman. She turned around, and her gaze met mine. Oh shit! Busted! The moment our eyes met, it seemed that neither one of us was able to look away. We just stood there continuing to stare at each other like looking away wasn’t possible.

  Finally, she started making her way over to me. Damn. What would I say to her? My mind had gone blank. Our gazes never left each other. She had the most beautiful hazel eyes I’d ever seen. I needed a closer look, but was too chicken shit to make the first move. When we were just inches apart, she stopped. I thought that she was going to speak. Instead, she just smiled and moved around me making her way out of the building. HOLY SHIT!

  Focus. I needed to keep my priorities straight. Get settled into my career and then start worrying about meeting women. I made myself a promise that her smile and those beautiful eyes were NOT going to get in the way of what I had planned for myself. I had goals, and a beautiful woman wouldn’t be getting in the way of them.

  I made my way over to the booth, made sure that my target was set, and loaded my firearm. Now I could get my head back into the game. I put on my earplugs and took my stance. I fired my shots, brought in my target, and started the whole process over until all three magazines were empty. Studying all three, I mentally congratulated myself and looked at the time. I had thirty minutes before my meeting with the probation department. I had to get to know the officers, considering we all worked together sooner or later. I was dreading all the meetings I was going to be subjected to for the next few weeks. But being the new guy, it’s a process that’s mandatory. This should be fun. I made my way back to my car and started preparing myself for the introductions that would be made in a matter of minutes. The only problem was that those hazel eyes and that beautiful smile kept creeping back into my mind. Damn this is going to be a long day.

  Chapter 2: Expect the Unexpected

  Emily

  Meetings. I absolutely hated them. I’d rather work in the confines of my office, but this one was mandatory. I groaned to myself at the thought. My day started off great at the range, but now I had this dreaded monthly meeting to attend with the police department. Damn it. I made my way into the locker room to change into my black pencil skirt¸ white blouse, black jacket, and black pumps. I decided that the outcome of this outfit would do and make my way to the meeting room with only seconds to spare. With my briefcase in one hand and coffee in the other, I walked into the conference room and was shocked at who I saw. It was the same man with those beautiful blue eyes. Holy shit! To think that I was going to get off easy and never have to see them again was a mistake. What was he doing here? Today just went from great to the start of a panic attack in a matter of minutes. How am I going to escape him now? That was what I needed to plan. I broke my gaze away from him and made my way over to the only seat left. Low and behold it was beside him. Damn!

  The lieutenant of the police department, Tom Baker, discussed the monthly plans for both departments and my mind began to lose concentration. This meeting needed to hurry up and end now! As he finished, I had barely heard anything that he discussed. He motioned for “blue eyes” to come forward. Now my question would be answered. Who is this magnificent man?

  “I would like for all of you to meet the newest member of the police departme
nt, Matthew Anderson,” Tom stated. “He’s come to us from Texas where he was with the police department for the past ten years. I’m proud and delighted that he’s a member of our team and expect all of you welcome him with open arms.”

  Matthew Anderson. Damn his name was never leaving my head now. I shouldn’t have wished that my question would be answered, but now I was intrigued. Why would he move all the way here from Texas? My trance was broken when he began speaking.

  “I’m delighted to be a part of this team and hope that we can all work well together. Just bear with me while I learn the ropes here and that’ll make this transition go smoothly for me,” he responded eagerly. Then he looked my way and smiled. SHIT!

  Oh God. His southern accent was even sexy. This wasn’t good at all for me. I needed to get away and fast. His smile, accent, and those damn eyes were going to get to me, and that just couldn’t happen. What I couldn’t figure out was why the man was affecting me? I haven’t let a man’s appearance, let alone voice, get to me in two years because of what happened. The more I try to figure out how and why this is happening, the more frustrated I became.

  Oh, great now the introductions are starting for my department. That means I have to actually speak to him. Please don’t let me make a fool of myself. As the others are introducing themselves, I take deep breaths to calm my nerves and anxiety. All I have to do is say my name and my position. How hard can this be? I have a feeling this is leading to an epic fail. Crap. Sophia is introducing herself. That means I’m next. When she finishes, I allow a brief pause before beginning. I lift my head up, and those damn eyes meet mine.

  “Hello, Mr. Anderson. I’m Emily Jackson. I’m a Juvenile Probation Officer and have been working with this department for about two years. Welcome aboard.” Wow, I’m glad that’s over with. Now I can breathe. As soon as I’m about to sit down, he spoke.